hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
