I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
