Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
