she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
