But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
