I love black thongs
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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