I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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