is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
