I cockslap morals
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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