I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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