im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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