Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
