Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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