u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
