dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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