I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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