Pants 0. Shit 1.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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