Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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