ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
