You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
