Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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