Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
