OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
