Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
