Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
