I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
