I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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