Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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