he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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