i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
