Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
