anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Houston, we have a squirter
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The air was thick with penises
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
