hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
