i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
