wanna go halves on a baby?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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