Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
this hospital has no fireball
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
