K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
