bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
