Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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