a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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