she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
