and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You are a genius and a whore.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
