I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
