she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
