and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
