Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He felt like a one man threesome
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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