Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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