Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
