Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
