Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
